Main Characters: Éowyn, Elfhelm
Rating: PG
Pairings: N/A
Genre: Drama
Length: Short story
Summary: Elfhelm helps Éowyn ride to war, and what begins as an understanding ends up as more than Éowyn wanted
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Éowyn did not know how to feel. Her uncle's wishes, or perhaps orders, had been clear. She was to stay and rule the people while he was gone, along with all the Riders, to fight the Great War of their time. A part of her felt honored, like she always felt when such task was appointed, yet the warrior in her felt the same frustration as of the Hobbit Merry, who wanted to fight with the Men. Éowyn couldn't help but feel unused and misunderstood. The only reason she was staying behind was because she was a woman, and that was beyond unacceptable to the Shieldmaiden of Rohan. She was to do something about it.
''My Lady.'' A tender voice interrupted her thoughts. Elfhelm it was, the Marshal, who was to ride along with the King to battle.
''Yes?'' Éowyn answered numbly, still slighly pondering on what to do. Her mind softened a bit at his sight, for Elfhelm always carried a smile in his face, even in the dark times.
''King Théoden has asked me to tell you that we leave in two days, during the night,'' he said. Éowyn found it strange that Elfhelm was delivering such a message, for she had spoken to the King not an hour before. Elfhelm had said his sentence with a hint of mysteriousness in his voice, as he was warning Éowyn of their leaving, not simply telling her.
''Thank you,'' she simply answered, and he smiled.
''We have a tent with unused armory and weapons. Not as many men as we thought have answered to the King's call.'' Again his message was unclear and misplaced. Éowyn was about to question him when he completed, ''For the little one as well.'' And with that, he left Éowyn to wonder on the meaning of his words. Yet among her dark thoughts she found a light, and realized that the answer to her frustrations was laid before her: she was to ride in disguise, for death and glory. For Rohan. She wondered if Elfhelm intended to give her such thoughts. She wondered why she wanted the answer to be yes.
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That night had come at last, and Éowyn was already in disguise. She was to tell Merry all of it, as soon as she got the change, and she planned to take him along. Why should she go and he not, she thought. Because he was a Hobbit? Like she was a woman? Greater than any desire inside her mind was the one to make those who doubted her understand the need to be free, yet since she had spent all her life trying to do so, only one way was left as a choice: make them understand by proving them wrong. Yet she did not know if Merry should know the truth of her disguise.
Éowyn, or Dernhelm, as she was calling herself, was inside the tent, making the last arrangements in her helm. She wished she had found a better one, one that would hide her face better, but more men showed up that morning to ride, and that was all that was left.
As she swung her sword around inside the tent in training, she noticed a shadow coming inside, and almost that instant she put her helm on and placed her sword on her belt. Éowyn looked at the entrance and saw Éomer. He bowed slightly, not recognizing her, picked up his own helm and left. A heaviness grew on her heart, for she did not feel well to do all in secret. It was of their choice though, she thought. If all was to happen as she wished, she would be wandering free around the camp with Merry, not afraid to show that she would fight. ''If only this helm-'' She whispered in frustration, taking her helm off, but was interrupted as if in answer by Elhelm.
''Maybe this one, My Lady?'' Elfhelm was ready to ride, and had the same sweet smile in his face. It annoyed her slightly, the smile, but it did not matter at the moment. She had been discovered, it was all over. She would have to answer to the responsibilities others had chosen for her again.
She looked at him in hope, yet she suddenly realized she would not need it. In his face was all but disapproval. He handed her a different and more proper helm, and she took it, with gratefulness in her eyes. And he saw it.
''Thank you, My Lord. Will you not tell?'' Her words came out softer than she intended, and she sounded like she was a child who had been caught in an act of mischief.
''Nay. Great shall be your deeds, My Lady. I shall not be the one to stop you from achieving them. I shall not be the one to keep you in a cage.'' His face was graver now, yet the sweetness still remained in his voice. He turned around to leave when Éowyn stopped him with a hand in his shoulder.
''Wait,'' she said, ''Elfhelm.'' She paused. ''Thank you. You are the first man to ever approve of my own will. How can I repay you, My Lord?''
Those words seemed to change Elfhelm's face somehow. The steady look in his brown eyes grew somewhat uncomfortable, as her words had affected him. ''My Lord?'' she repeated. ''Please, tell me. I wish to repay you. Your act of kindness has been the only one in many years for me.''
''It is payment enough to know I bring you joy, Éowyn. We shall meet again. I only ask one thing of you... keep close to me as we ride. It will be both safer for you and pleasant for me.'' And with that he left, leaving Éowyn smiling. She realized it was the first time she smiled ever since she met Aragorn. That smile, though, faded as Aragorn told her to stay behind. This smile kept going, for Elfhelm had done exactly the opposite.
---
''How are you feeling?'' Elfhelm asked as they rode. Éowyn looked down to see Merry sleeping before her.
''All is well,'' she answered, yet she doubted her own words.
''What is it?'' Elfhelm asked, concerned.
''I wonder how his fate will be in battle. I do not doubt his skills, but we all ride to death, even the most skilled of us. I wonder if he'll see me before the end. If he'll know.'' Éowyn spoke the words softly, and they were distant, fading away and becoming weaker as the wind grew heavier.
''Of course he will. And we do not ride to death, we ride to victory, My Lady. He shall see you, but not before any end. We shall win this battle, and all that come after it. The world will be bright again, men shall rule once more.'' He paused. ''Men and Women,'' he added, and she looked at him, smiling.
''You speak with such hope. I have none of it left.''
''That is why others are here to give it to you, Éowyn. As you are here to give me courage.''
---
The Riders had stopped, but only for an hour, for those had been the King's orders. There were many men, Éowyn thought, perhaps enough, even though she knew not the size of the enemy's army. Merry was once again sleeping, still on the horse, and Éowyn found a dark place behind trees where she could put her thoughts in place. All that was happening did not seem real, but a dream. Not one of those dreams where she saw herself as a powerful Queen, riding to countless battles, but more of a dark dream. A dream that she never had. That was not how she intended to ride to war, and at that moment, she was convinced that it was to death that she rode. Perhaps it would be the best end, she thought, to die with glory and be remembered.
''Éowyn?'' The same voice interrupted her thoughts. She really wished to be alone, since she had been riding with the men for days, yet she could not refuse Elfhelm's company, for he was the reason she was there.
''Yes?'' She turned to see his face, and her voice was bitter, even though she meant it to come out nicely. Éowyn realized her face was wet with tears, and with her fingers she cleaned herself, removing her helm in safety, for that was a place far from the others.
''I-I have something I wish to say to you, and it shall be the last thing spoken to you from my lips. I love you. Have loved you since I can remember serving the King. I love what you are, how you walk, I love your dreams and your courage. I do not ask for your love in return, for I know it belongs to someone else, yet I do wish that you realize that a broken heart is not a broken soul, and that someday you will know true love.''
Éowyn was speechless, and for a moment quite angry with Elfhelm for his boldness. It was not a common thing to hear while riding to war, even more uncommon to hear it from a man she barely knew. She blushed and yet approached him. ''I do not know what to tell you, Elfhelm, for as you love me, I love him. If someday I shall find true love, so shall you.''
He nodded, holding back a tear, and bowed slightly.
''All is well.'' And so he turned to leave.
''Elfhelm...'' Éowyn whispered to him, ''Do not make these days darker. Think of war and fights, as I have been to forget the will of my heart.''
In answer, Elfhelm turned to her, and as if in a moment of despair, he took her in her arms and kissed her. Éowyn did not move. He broke the kiss and left, and that was the last time she spoke to him, for she knew no words would be of any use. She knew it because that was how she felt around Aragorn. She either wanted to hear him say he loved her, or hear nothing at all. So Éowyn understood Elfhelm, and pitied him, yet hated herself for pitying him, for that was what Aragorn felt for her. Éowyn's mind grew darker, and like never before her wish to die in war began to burn.